A disgruntled reader recently forwarded the following to me.

I have edited it a good bit, taking out parts that weren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper, and also inserting parts that aren’t fit for printing in a family newspaper.

If you find it offensive, sexist or not funny, I accept no responsibility. If you think it’s hilarious, I take full credit.

Basically, the below is a quiz that measures how well men are treating their special lady friend, using an easy-to-follow point system of merit/demerit that I don’t understand at all. You will be graded at the end of class.

Simple duties

You make the bed ... +1

You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows ... 0

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets ... -1

You leave the toilet seat up ... -5

You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty ... 0

You check out a suspicious noise at night ... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing ... 0

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something ... +5

You pummel it with a six iron ... +10

It's a plant ... -40

At the party

You stay by her side the entire party ... 0

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college buddy ... -2

Her birthday

You remember her birthday ... 0

You buy a card and flowers ... 0

You take her out to dinner ... 0

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ... +1

OK, it is a sports bar ... -2

And it's all-you-can-eat night ... -3

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ... -10

A night out with the boys

Go with a pal ... 0

The pal is happily married ... +1

The pal is single ... -7

He drives a Corvette ... -10

A night out with her

You take her to a movie ... +2

You take her to a movie she likes ... +4

You take her to a movie you hate ... +6

You take her to a movie you like ... -2

It's called “Death Cop 3” ... -3

Which features cyborgs that eat humans ... -9

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans ... -15

Your physique

You develop a noticeable pot belly ... -15

You develop a noticeable pot belly and exercise to get rid of it ... +10

You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ... -30

You say, “It doesn't matter, you have one too.” ... -800

The big question

She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”

You hesitate in responding ... -10

You reply, “Where?” ... -35

You reply, “No, I think it's your butt.” ... -100

Any other response ... -20

Communication

When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen, displaying concern ... 0

You listen, for over 30 minutes ... +5

You relate to her problem and share a similar experience ... +50

Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying “Well, what do you think I should do?” ... -50

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV ... +100

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep ... -200

I think I failed. How about you?

Len Robbins is the editor of the Clinch County News.

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