In the history of dying, which dates back hundreds of years, a fellow Georgian may have the greatest epitaph ever.
"I told you I was sick," it says on B.P. Roberts' tombstone.
Being that Roberts was only 50 years old, those words may have been his last, and not a wry joke specified by him prior to his death.
Either way, I dig it, and many other epitaphs I have collected for the amusement of you and I; mostly I.
• "Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me for not rising."
In a New Mexico cemetery.
• "Sir John Strange
"Here lies an honest lawyer,
"And that is Strange."
A lawyer's epitaph in England.
• "She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her."
From Margaret Daniels' grave in Virginia.
• "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
• "Here lies Ezekial Aikle
"The Good Die Young."
From a grave in Nova Scotia.
• "Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid, but died an old Mann."
England cemetery, 1767.
• "That's all, folks!"
Mel Blanc's epitaph.
• "Born 1903 — Died 1942.
"Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.
On the gravestone of Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York.
• "I told you, you damned fools."
H.G. Wells' epitaph/epithet.
• "Jedediah Goodwin.
"Going! Going! Gone! 1876."
On an auctioneer's tombstone.
• "John E. Goembel. 1867-1946.
"The defense rests."
An attorney's epitaph.
• "She lived with her husband fifty years
"And died in the confident hope of a better life."
From a Burlington, Vermont, headstone.
• "Curiosity did not kill this cat."
• "One I wasn't. Then I was.
"Now I ain't again."
Arthur C. Homan's epitaph.
• "Captain Thomas Coffin. Died 1842. Age 50 years. He's done a-catching cod. And gone to meet his God."
Epitaph of a Rhode Island fisherman.
• "Here lies an atheist.
"All dressed up and no place to go."
From a Maryland cemetery.
• "If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again."
• "Sacred to the memory of my husband, John Barnes, who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted."
From a Vermont cemetery.
• "Gone, but not forgiven."
Epitaph of an adulterous husband in Atlanta.
• "Here lies Pa.
"Pa liked wimin.
"Ma caught Pa in with two swimmin.
"Here lies Pa."
If you remember anything from this column, and you won't, remember this: Your surviving spouse gets to choose your epitaph.
Len Robbins is the editor of the Clinch County News.