In the history of dying, which dates back hundreds of years, a fellow Georgian may have the greatest epitaph ever.

"I told you I was sick," it says on B.P. Roberts' tombstone.

Being that Roberts was only 50 years old, those words may have been his last, and not a wry joke specified by him prior to his death.

Either way, I dig it, and many other epitaphs I have collected for the amusement of you and I; mostly I.

Here goes:

• "Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me for not rising."

In a New Mexico cemetery.

• "Sir John Strange

"Here lies an honest lawyer,

"And that is Strange."

A lawyer's epitaph in England.

• "She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her."

From Margaret Daniels' grave in Virginia.

• "I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Winston Churchill.

• "Here lies Ezekial Aikle

"Age 102

"The Good Die Young."

From a grave in Nova Scotia.

• "Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid, but died an old Mann."

England cemetery, 1767.

• "That's all, folks!"

Mel Blanc's epitaph.

• "Born 1903 — Died 1942.

"Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down.

It was."

On the gravestone of Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York.

• "I told you, you damned fools."

H.G. Wells' epitaph/epithet.

• "Jedediah Goodwin.


"Born 1828.

"Going! Going! Gone! 1876."

On an auctioneer's tombstone.

• "John E. Goembel. 1867-1946.

"The defense rests."

An attorney's epitaph.

• "She lived with her husband fifty years

"And died in the confident hope of a better life."

From a Burlington, Vermont, headstone.

• "Curiosity did not kill this cat."

Studs Terkel.

• "One I wasn't. Then I was.

"Now I ain't again."

Arthur C. Homan's epitaph.

• "Captain Thomas Coffin. Died 1842. Age 50 years. He's done a-catching cod. And gone to meet his God."

Epitaph of a Rhode Island fisherman.

• "Here lies an atheist.

"All dressed up and no place to go."

From a Maryland cemetery.

• "If anyone at my funeral has a long face, I'll never speak to him again."

Stan Laurel.

• "Sacred to the memory of my husband, John Barnes, who died January 3, 1803. His comely young widow, aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, and yearns to be comforted."

From a Vermont cemetery.

• "Gone, but not forgiven."

Epitaph of an adulterous husband in Atlanta.

• "Here lies Pa.

"Pa liked wimin.

"Ma caught Pa in with two swimmin.

"Here lies Pa."

If you remember anything from this column, and you won't, remember this: Your surviving spouse gets to choose your epitaph.

Behave accordingly.

Len Robbins is the editor of the Clinch County News.

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