Len Robbins: Thou shalt read funny church signs

Len Robbins

As I pulled up to the church on the day I would be married, the sign in front of the church carried an ominous message:

“Day of triumph or day of tragedy?”

After much thought, I decided the sign was much too vague, and went inside and got married anyway.

Ever since that “day of triumph” (thank you, God), I have taken a more acute interest in church signs. While many view churches as solemn and stoic places of worship, some obviously have a keen wit about them — or at least the person who comes up with the sign message does.

Here are some actual signs in front of churches — some hilarious, some poignant, some corny — but all real, for your perusal:

• Have trouble sleeping?

We have sermons — come hear one!

• Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.

• The 10 Commandments are not multiple choice.

• Adam and Eve — the first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

• Soul food served here.

• Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church.

• Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.

• This is a CH_ _CH. What’s missing? UR.

• If Darwin is right, you’ll be a monkey’s uncle.

• Plenty of folks give the Lord credit — few give him cash!

• God made round faces; man makes‘em long.

• TITHE! Anyone can honk!

• At the heart of every sin is "I."

• Too hot to keep changing signs. Sin bad. Jesus good. Details inside.

• Under same management for 2,000 years.

• Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case!

• Wanted: Singers — Inchoir Within.

• Kmart isn’t the only saving place!

• Don't make me come down there. — God.

• A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.

• If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.

• If you’re lost, directions inside.

• Church parking only — violators will be baptized.

• Forbidden fruit creates many jams.

• May is God’s apology for February.

• You have one new friend request from Jesus.

• Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.

• To belittle is to be little.

• God answers knee mail.

• Free trip to heaven. Details inside.

• No God — no peace. Know God — know peace.

• This church is prayer-conditioned.

• Travel agency — free brochures inside.

• Love your neighbor — yes, that one too.

• Chicken supper, 8 p.m. Come in for a wing and a prayer.

• God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

• Unlimited minutes. Kneel to apply.

• Attend church weekly — not weakly.

• Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.

Don’t think that one was meant to be funny.

Len Robbins is the editor of the Clinch County News.

React to this story:


Recommended for you