As I pulled up to the church on the day I would be married, the sign in front of the church carried an ominous message:
“Day of triumph or day of tragedy?”
After much thought, I decided the sign was much too vague, and went inside and got married anyway.
Ever since that “day of triumph” (thank you, God), I have taken a more acute interest in church signs. While many view churches as solemn and stoic places of worship, some obviously have a keen wit about them — or at least the person who comes up with the sign message does.
Here are some actual signs in front of churches — some hilarious, some poignant, some corny — but all real, for your perusal:
• Have trouble sleeping?
We have sermons — come hear one!
• Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
• The 10 Commandments are not multiple choice.
• Adam and Eve — the first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
• Soul food served here.
• Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church.
• Tweet others as you would like to be tweeted.
• This is a CH_ _CH. What’s missing? UR.
• If Darwin is right, you’ll be a monkey’s uncle.
• Plenty of folks give the Lord credit — few give him cash!
• God made round faces; man makes‘em long.
• TITHE! Anyone can honk!
• At the heart of every sin is "I."
• Too hot to keep changing signs. Sin bad. Jesus good. Details inside.
• Under same management for 2,000 years.
• Don’t give up. Moses was once a basket case!
• Wanted: Singers — Inchoir Within.
• Kmart isn’t the only saving place!
• Don't make me come down there. — God.
• A clear conscience makes a soft pillow.
• If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
• If you’re lost, directions inside.
• Church parking only — violators will be baptized.
• Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
• May is God’s apology for February.
• You have one new friend request from Jesus.
• Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.
• To belittle is to be little.
• God answers knee mail.
• Free trip to heaven. Details inside.
• No God — no peace. Know God — know peace.
• This church is prayer-conditioned.
• Travel agency — free brochures inside.
• Love your neighbor — yes, that one too.
• Chicken supper, 8 p.m. Come in for a wing and a prayer.
• God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.
• Unlimited minutes. Kneel to apply.
• Attend church weekly — not weakly.
• Don’t let worry kill you. Let the church help.
Don’t think that one was meant to be funny.
Len Robbins is the editor of the Clinch County News.