Will Durst: You can't do that

Will Durst

All of Washington is vibrating like the foam on a latte in the cup holder of a convertible jeep riding railroad tracks over a bridge. Republicans are scrambling to hold together their diverse coalition of rich white men frightened about the next election and well-to-do white men worried about the next election. Democrats also seem mildly engaged, which to them borders on a frenzy.

It's all due to the substantial evidence that Donald Trump conspired to withhold military aid to Ukraine unless President Volodymyr Zelensky agreed to assist in the upcoming election by digging up dirt on Joe Biden's family. A great way to resolve this would be to launch an investigation into corruption activities by all family members of the executive branch of government, past and present, but that's probably not going to happen.

The proof of Mr. Trump's malfeasance consists of texts, emails, depositions, multiple whistleblowers and a little thing called Trump's own admission. Either he doesn't believe he can commit a crime, doesn't think anybody cares, or considers himself untouchable (stemming from the fact that lately, nobody wants to touch him).

It was bound to happen: you cut enough corners, eventually all you're left holding is a hole, hopefully big enough to hide in. Which is what all of his staffers and appointees are looking for right now as the investigation spreads like basement mold.

He then didn't just double down, he quintupled down by publicly threatening to ask China to do the same thing. First he leverages Ukraine, then China, who's next; Wakanda? Ruritania? Fredonia? He's already got Absurdistan's support, AKA: Fox News.

Why does Trump have to dig up dirt on anybody when he has plenty of Trump-branded dirt in his own backyard? Obviously, he's not going to give away his extremely valuable dirt for free, but couldn't he lend Biden a couple of wheel barrels full at 10% interest?

The man has never heard the words, "You can't do that." From anybody. Ever. Whether it concerned legal, ethical, moral or strategic matters. He's Billy Mumy in that "Twilight Zone" episode. Either you agree with what he wants or suffer the consequences. Hopefully he'll hear "No, I'm sorry, you can't betray your oath of office, you're fired" from the American people soon.

But right now, the president is double-dog daring Congress: "Yeah, I did it, and I'll do it again, and who's going to stop me? You? Right, you and what army?" Even though he's under intense fire for abuse of power, the House of Representatives — controlled by Democrats — decides this information is so critical, they immediately spring into action ... and take a two-week recess.

But in the middle of October, when they get back, Congress is expected to buy a one-way ticket on the Impeachment Train without any idea of where it's going, when it'll get there or how much it's going to cost.

And as usual, checked bags are extra.

Will Durst is an award-winning columnist, comic and former sod farmer in New Berlin, Wisconsin.

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